Letting Go with Panache
This 2 disk CD is a straight forward plan of action
to end the lingering negative and painful emotions
following a divorce.
Buy the CD here
Supporting material
Terri Matheis, founder of Sassy Pink Peppers, a social organization for divorced women wrote:
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It's Time To Move On! I received my copy of Patty Sullivan's "Letting Go with Panache" for review and was completely overwhelmed with the scope and perceptiveness of her very special two hour "counseling session".
Personally, I've had three relationships, which were all very important to me, end. The two marriages suffered a slow death so I was more prepared for their demise and rebounded easier. But I had this one long term relationship... well, it was very difficult for me to get over because the ending was totally unexpected and out of the blue. Nonetheless, I thought I had successfully moved on.
Patty accurately described everything that I had gone through but she brought up a subject which turned out to be some unfinished business for me of which I was totally unaware was an issue until that moment!!! I was floored but guess what? It sure explained a lot. I had an epiphany - one of those great "a-ha" moments - and through the techniques given on the CD, I intend to make those last little erasures, which have unknowingly hindered me, from my memory bank ASAP!
Terri Matheis
Sassy Pink Peppers |
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Free Medicine Foundation
PO Box 125
Doniphan, MO 63935
573-996-3333
EXERCISES FROM LETTING GO WITH PANACHE
TSPI - Time and Situation Personality Inventory
© Patty Swyden Sullivan, LLC
Take five sheets of paper and label them accordingly:
1. INVENTORY QUESTIONS
2. BEFORE MEETING SPOUSE
3. DURING COURTSHIP OF SPOUSE
4. DURING MARRIAGE TO SPOUSE
5. CURRENT
Inventory Questions
On page number one, Inventory Questions, going vertically down the page write out a series of questions, you may use additional sheets of paper that can be stapled to page one.
Suggested questions:
What do I do when I am alone and have free time?
What music do I listen to?
What do I watch on TV?
Would others describe me as quiet or gregarious?
Am I more energized when I am around people or when I am by myself?
What QUALITIES attracts me to someone?
What QUALITIES attracts people to me?
When friends call ON THE PHONE ARE OUR CONVERSATIONS AN EXCHANE OF INFORMATION OR ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS? WHOSE?
When I call a friend ON THE PHONE ARE OUR CONVERSATIONS AN EXCHANE OF INFORMATION OR ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS? WHOSE?
What proportion of money do I spend on myself?
What do I like to buy?
Do I want to travel?
Do I like indoor activities' or outdoor?
If I had six hours to divide between spending time with family, friends, or by myself how would I divide the six hours?
When I eat, do I make an event out of it or prefer to focus on consumption?
If I could go to one or the other what would I choose; a baseball game or a movie?
If I could choose would I rather play in a baseball game or be an actress in a movie?
My perfect day is…
My greatest achievements are:
My biggest dream is?
My favorite politician is:
My favorite entertainer is:
The person I most admire:
I wear my hair:
Can I walk into a party, wedding, reunion, by myself
My biggest worry is:
I wish I could be more…
I am so proud that I…
My greatest strength is:
My biggest regret is:
What are my fantasies?
I vow to:
OR research questions from other personality inventories such as: Meyer-Briggs or Wayne Dyer's Power of Intention.
For each succeeding page, numbers 2-5 prepare to answer questions on page one by meditating, looking at photographs, reading letters or diaries from that time period, or any other means of putting yourself in the time frame that corresponds to the page number. Visualize something you wore during that time period, events that come to mind, and the people in your life during that time period. Then answer the questions by writing down your answers.
Allow enough time to clear your mental state of each time period before assuming the frame of mind for the page you are working on. It may take you several days to complete the inventory.
When you are finished compare your answers from the different time periods in your life. What are the most noticeable changes? What has remained constant? Are you pleased with the answers, changes, consistencies or do you wish to reinvent parts of yourself?
Can you see the influence you had over your spouse or that he had over you? Was the influence balanced or did one of you have more than the other? How does this information sit with you? Did you discover through this inventory which likes and dislikes are truly your own, which ones were compromises, and which ones were someone else's?
If after the inventory you have questions about your feelings, your personality traits, and how you interact with others you can contact a life coach, therapist, or even delve into the subject with family or friends who know you well and who you have complete faith and trust. Good luck with your personality detective work!!
Role Playing for Jim, the ex spouse, and Fred the new husband.
Jim is insecure and jealous of Fred. But, he is tired of avoiding him and feeling inadequate in his presence so he is determined to keep his eye on his goal—enjoying his children's activities even if it means being around Fred.
Jim is going to try role playing while attending his son's soccer game.
This game is scheduled over one of his wife's weekends with the children. His son, Chris the soccer player, will arrive at the game with his sister Jean, Jane the mom, and Fred her current husband. Fred and Jane had an affair that culminated in Jane and Jim's divorce.
Jane previously had successfully used role playing to improve her relationship with Jim. After several months, Jim commented to Jane how happy he was that the two of them reached an amicable place. Jane confided in him her technique of role playing.
Jim learned that he needed to cast himself as someone he admired for their positive personality traits. The traits he wanted to adopt were self-confidence and tolerance.
Jim reminded himself of key points to role playing as he drove to the soccer field. While talking to Fred, Jim would behave in a manner as if Fred were any other parent of a soccer teammate. No matter what Fred said or implied by attitude, Jim would continue to treat him as an amicable fellow parent. Not because Jim wanted to be kind to Fred, but because he wanted to improve his own personality and by doing so improve his children's lives. He also hoped that by adopting changes in himself, over time Fred would behave more positively to Jim.
Jim parked his car, got out and started the walk to the field. He was got off guard by a jolting back slap and a huge laugh. Jim turned around to face Fred. Fred continued to keep his hand on Jim's shoulder squeezing it harder than camaraderie called for. Jim had his work cut out for him. Instead of shrugging his shoulder away, he held out his hand to shake Fred's. Fred looked confused, but took Jim's hand and released his shoulder. Jim shook Fred's hand with a firm, but friendly grip.
Jim asked Fred how he was doing. Fred replied, “Couldn't be better, I have the best little wife in Texas, and two fantastic step children.” Sting. Those were the kind of words that normally would have sent Jim reeling—even to the point of coming up with some excuse for not staying to watch the game. But not today. Today, Jim, paused, collected his thoughts—remembering that Fred was not Fred, but just some parent of some kid—and replied, “Indeed, you are a lucky man, Fred.”
Fred, came back with, “Well, if anyone should know…hee-hee” and another back slap landed squarely between Jim's shoulder blades. Now, Jim, dry mouth and sore back bone, straightened up and patiently, but with dead on eye contact, removed Fred's hand from his back.
“Yes, Fred, I do know. I hope you appreciate the responsibility you have when my children are with you. I like to think I set a high standard for parenting. In fact, I care so much about this, I would like you to feel comfortable coming to me with any questions or feelings you want to express about filling the role of step parent to my children. I know Jane would support that connection between us.” Jim smiled.
Fred stood silent for a moment and said he didn't think that would be necessary but would keep it in mind. Jim nodded, turned, and walked to the field to greet his children.
This is not an easy assignment. And, it is one that needs practice and repetition. But the rewards are great.
For further information refer to the CD, “Letting Go with Panache” available at www.becomingnana.com
© 2008 Patty Swyden Sullivan
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